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Babloo #04 - Rules of Desi Engagement

A single desi is at home with only one kind of company - other single desis - of the same sex. This is law. Anyone pretending otherwise is either not single or not desi. However, from time to time, the odd sighting of a single desi in undefined crowds have been noticed. Those are the experimentation stages. This straying from the prescribed path has only one reason behind it - the desi has encountered a Ms.Desi.

At the start of the millennium, the most prolific love dhooth was the instant messenger closely followed by the ever present cell phone. I've had the chance to observe in close quarters two Desis consumed by the engagement virus. One was officially engaged - the kind of successful Desi behind whom is a woman - a proud girl hunting mother. The other is the kind of Desi behind whom is an absolute necessity to talk to a girl (any girl). The kind that likes to get 'committed' every now and then.

The first is the most fun to watch because he is actually showing off to other co-single-desis. Goofiness comes naturally to goofs.  This guy tucks in his shirt - even on a Friday - and combs his hair - like twice a day - with a comb! It is bad enough when he was single - now he is an engaged dude. Oh... the cockiness! Oh... the madness! The torture that the roommates have to endure when this guy is on the phone with the girl. Did I mention the madness?

There is this constant buzz in the apartment around this time. This buzz is our friend on the phone speaking sweet nothings and I mean nothing. "Are you a Vijay fan or an Ajith fan?" is one I overheard without meaning to. In fact, the girl's preference was broadcast the next morning. This sort of interrogation is supposed to get a peek into the psyche of  this girl with the phone. We, the roommates, once complained that he was interrupting the television with the incessant gigglefest. He gave us a big sigh somehow suggesting that he felt pity for our single lives. He proceeded on to lock himself in the toilet and continued his conversation only this time the gigglefest was echoing off the plumbing and we had to bear it in surround sound. Even this is bearable when compared to being stuck in a car with the shameless show-off who had consumed our smart friend. We, his co-passengers, aren't allowed to talk. We aren't allowed to answer our phones. We aren't allowed to listen to music. We can't lower the windows nor can we increase the fan speed. It is one idiot with two or three other stuffy silent single desis. Their collective knowledge had just been given added value with the unseen girl's (apparently an insomniac with a phone glued to her ear)preference in everything from breakfast to cricket.

One married guy had this advise for us single guys - when you are engaged, act like a typical ruffian. This way, when you are actually married any small act of goodness seems like a welcome change and you are not burdened with expectations. His verdict on the cell-phone giggler - 'Gone case'.

It is an unwritten law that engaged dudes are exempt from cooking duties and even cleaning duties. The engaged single desi's honeymoon had already begun and we the roommates were the busboys of the seedy motel. The toilet was the honeymoon suite.

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